My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
