My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
