Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
