I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
