erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
