shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm at about main and main street
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
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