I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
