There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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