you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
she woke up with a sticky ear
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
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obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
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I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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