It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
