i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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