I need help removing her.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
