life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
