So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
