I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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