We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
