I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Randomize
