they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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