she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Little spoons don't ask big questions
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
