Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
