he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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