yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
We need a shit load of segways right now
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
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