oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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