Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Say something about gay babies.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
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