he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
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Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
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Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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