David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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