that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
