Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
