I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
