I showed him my bush... on skype.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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