we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
