If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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