1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
