M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
