he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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