I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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