we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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