i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
