So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
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And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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