i don't like sucking hair
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
