i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
