I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just want to make out with him forever
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
