I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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