I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
