just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
PANTIES FOUND
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
