I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
