I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Randomize
