My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
