turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
