I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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