just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize