her vagine was all disorganized.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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