I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
