Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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