things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
