I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
