no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
