that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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