Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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