so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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