You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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