My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
