I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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