He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Can I color on your dick again?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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