i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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