why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
