no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
