after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
