need another drink. this is the easiest way
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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