the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
