beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
