My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
