I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You may now shotgun with the bride
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
