I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
