too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
