Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Come on in and take your pants off
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