did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
