I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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