Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
