I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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