i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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